“I was completely devastated and thought, ‘I do not know how I’m gonna move forward or function now.’”

Nicole Kidman details ‘harrowing’ memory of learning her mom died right before going onstage: ‘I was alone’

"I was completely devastated and thought, 'I do not know how I'm gonna move forward or function now.'"

By Shania Russell

Shania Russell

Shania Russell is a news writer at *, *with five years of experience. Her work has previously appeared in SlashFilm and Paste Magazine.

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April 19, 2026 5:09 p.m. ET

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Nicole Kidman and her mom, Janelle Ann Kidman. Credit:

Lisa Maree Williams/Getty

- Nicole Kidman explains how her mother's death inspired her to look into becoming a death doula.

- The "harrowing" experience occurred while the actress was attending the 2024 Venice International Film Festival.

- Moments before she was set to take the stage, the *Babygirl* actress learned that her mother had died.

Nicole Kidman is ready to talk about one of the most devastating experiences of her life.

The *Scarpetta* actress, 58, recently made headlines for announcing that she is in training to become a death doula, someone who assists individuals and families with end-of-life care by offering guidance, companionship, and support. During a Saturday sit-down with Hoda Kotb at HISTORYTalks in Philadelphia, Kidman shared that her interest in the surprising career pivot began with the loss of her mother, Janelle Ann Kidman.

Nicole attended the Venice Film Festival in September 2024 and experienced an "enormous high" after winning the festival's Best Actress award for her role in *Babygirl*. And then the tragic news reached her ear.

"I was about to go onstage, and I found out my mother had died, and I went right back to the room in Venice, got into bed and was completely devastated and thought, 'I do not know how I'm gonna move forward or function now,'" Kidman told Kotb, per PEOPLE. "She was so much a part of my existence. So the idea of being there at that particular moment was harrowing."

Nicole Kidman at the 81 Venice International Film Festival 2024.

Marilla Sicilia/Archivio Marilla Sicilia/Mondadori Portfolio via Getty

Kidman then recounted her immediate efforts to leave Venice so she could grieve with her family.

"I remember getting into a boat in the canal, literally at night, trying to find my way to the airport, and then turning around going, ‘I can’t even do this,'" she told the audience. "Then I went back to bed. And I was alone. My husband wasn’t there, my children weren’t there. I was there to win an award, which should’ve been a beautiful thing. That, there, is the contrast of life.”

Kidman said she walked away from the experience with the knowledge that she is "resilient" and can "survive pretty much anything." It also granted her a new perspective on loss.

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Addressing her interest in becoming a death doula, Kidman noted that the work it involves is "really fascinating"

She explained, "It’s very beautiful, and you have to be a certain personality to be able to do it. But I found out that I’m actually that personality. It’s very important to me."

Kidman continued, "There is always suffering, but if there are people there who can help with that, help those final stages be less painful — if you feel the connection in your heart, then that’s lovely. So that’s what I’m exploring."

Nicole Kidman and her mom, Janelle Ann in 2003.

Peter Carrette Archive/Getty

*Babygirl* director Halina Reijn accepting her award on Nicole's behalf, taking the stage and reading remarks from the actress. Four months later, Kidman paid tribute to her mom in an emotional speech at the Palm Springs International Film Festival where she accepted the International Star Award from Jamie Lee Curtis.

"This is for my mom," Kidman said on the stage. "My whole career has been for my mom and my dad, and they're not here now, but I still want to keep working and giving to the world because I love what I do, and I love you all, and I'm so grateful for the privilege to be a part of this film community."

Wiping away tears, she continued, "I'm sorry I'm crying. I didn't want to do that, but I feel my mama right now, so this is for you, Mama."

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Kidman first spoke of her interest in becoming a death doula at a University of San Francisco presentation attended by the *San Francisco Chronicle*.

"As my mother was passing, she was lonely, and there was only so much the family could provide," she shared. "Between my sister and I, we have so many children and our careers and our work, and wanting to take care of her because my father wasn’t in the world anymore, and that’s when I went, 'I wish there was these people in the world that were there to sit impartially and just provide solace and care.'"

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